Home for the Holidays

This Easter break has been a challenge. Day 1 mainly involved my kids getting colds and delightfully contagious eye infections resulting in quarantine induced boredom and borderline insanity (for me at least). I guess I have become accustomed to the quiet calm of Liora's school time.

I can't complain though. She is incredible. And it's not her fault. I could have entertained her better but I just have no energy at the moment. And I am now ill too (so is Mr. C). I'm achy and grumpy and my left ear is totally blocked. Charming.

This past week has been particularly hard because of Angelica's birthday and the painful anniversary which followed. She would have been 5. Oh, how my girls would have frolicked together.

We bought her a little fairy statue as we do every year. It should arrive soon.

Mr C. Worked from home, which helped a lot.

I cannot begin to explain how difficult it is to wrap your mind around it all. I can't even type the words.

Happy birthday my sweetheart.

On Angelica's birthday, we got our acceptance letter for Liora's school place. I was so relieved that we got into our first choice. Now at least I that one particular stress of not knowing can be forgotten, replaced by planning for her next adventure.

On the self care side of things, I have felt mostly better after some meaningful breakthroughs in therapy (it was really quite transformative).

They haven't been translated into healthier lifestyle choices and a more organised life by any means, but is is a step in the right direction.

I may have mentioned that I bought retinol when we moved. Well, until tonight, I never had the guts to use it. I have started using it already. It is very gentle. I did and it was fine. I don't know what I was expecting to happen, but its all good. I also managed to buy a little friend for my retinol; Garden of Wisdom Vitamin C cream. I have used it and it is very nice. 

I will report back in due course. 

Catch Up Time

With moving and settling in, I put the blog to sleep for a bit, but fear not, I am still here.

Liora had her 3 year old vaccinations this week and was very brave about the whole thing. I also met with her teachers who gave very positive feedback on her development. I was rather anxious about it and her fitting in to a new school, but all my fears were allayed.

Imogen had her 12 month review and did equally well. She is turning ONE in three weeks. It is unfathomable. We are not doing a big party; just some family time, because she literally won't care. She is 1 and is super attached to mommy and daddy right now, so we figure, just enjoy being together and seeing her eat cake for the first time.

I am struggling with my eating and my mood, although the last few weeks have been better. My low moods seem to ebb and flow like a tide and at the moment, my brain is on reasonably good behaviour. There are low moments, but I manage them. I have recently undergone some very helpful therapy, so my self-esteem issues are under control too. I won't say I am cured of the self-loathing... let's say I'm in remission. Yeah. I like that. It is as accurate a description as I can give.

The food thing, though... man! I don't know. That's a monster I can't seem to beat. Maybe when my mother in law comes, she will be able to help me get on the right path.

I'll figure it out. For the moment. I am just enjoying the feeling of not hating myself all the time. It's weird, I can't say I like myself yet, but I'll get there.

Rome was not built in a day.

Yesterday, I managed to wash my hair and that is the biggest win of all.

Good night.